How Pharmacists Do It…

Pharmacists do it with drugs.


Pharmacists do it by prescription.


Pharmacists do it with side effects.


Pharmacists do it over the counter.


Pharmacists do it with scruples.


Pharmacists do it with a grinding motion.

Birth Control

A woman and her husband approach their pharmacist and begin to ask questions like if the pharmacy checks for medications past their expiration date and the reliability of a certain company that makes birth control pills. Finally the pharmacist asks the couple what’s the matter. The wife explains, “In spite of using birth control pills I continue to get pregnant.”




The pharmacist is astounded and asks the woman if she takes them every day.


The woman replies, “My husband takes them every day.”


“What ?” the pharmacist croaks.


“Yep. After we read all those potential side-effects, my husband said ‘ Ah honey.. I don’t what you taking that stuff.. it’s too dangerous,…..let ME take them.’ “

Sausages

Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages.


Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.


Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I’ve got hundreds of them.

20 Year Reunion

Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered.


The older looking one asks the other, “What’s your secret? Listening to other people’s problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me.”


The younger looking one replies, “Who listens?”

Waiting Room Conversation

In a psychiatrist’s waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, “Why are you here?”


The second answers, “I’m Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here.”


The first is curious and asks, “How do you know that you’re Napoleon?”


The second responds, “God told me I was.”


At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, “NO I DIDN’T!”

Time for a Change

Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night’s sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.



A few weeks later, Joe’s former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. “Doc!” Joe says, “It’s amazing! I’m cured!”


“That’s great news!” the psychoanalyst says. “you seem to be doing much better. How?”


“I went to see another doctor,” Joe says enthusiastically, “and he cured me in just ONE session!”


“One?!” the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.


“Yeah,” continues Joe, “my new doctor is a behaviorist.”


“A behaviorist?” the psychoanalyst asks. “How did he cure you in one session?”


“Oh, easy,” says Joe. “He told me to cut the legs off of my bed.”

Genie in a Bottle

A psychologist was walking along a Hawaiian beach when he kicked a bottle poking up through the sand. Opening it, he was astonished to see a cloud of smoke and a genie smiling at him.



“For your kindness,” the genie said, “I will grant you one wish!” The psychologist paused, laughed, and replied, “I have always wanted a road from Hawaii to California.”



The genie grimaced, thought for a few minutes and said, “Listen, I’m sorry, but I can’t do that! Think of all the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how long they’d have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement. That’s too much to ask.”



“OK,” the psychologist said, not wanting to be unreasonable. “I’m a psychologist. Make me understand my patients. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, what do they really want? Basically, teach me to understand what makes them tick!”



The genie paused, and then sighed, “Did you want two lanes or four?”

Asylum Fence

A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!”



He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can’t help but wonder why they are chanting “Thirteen!” over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far.



His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside.



He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”

Cough cure

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob’s warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

“He wanted something for his cough but I couldn’t find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once” John explained.

“Ex-Lax won’t cure a cough!” Bob shouted angrily.
“Sure it will” John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.

“Just look at him. He’s afraid to cough!”